There have been generations of people, one behind the other, shouting, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me." This schoolyard adage has been a disaster for our society. I do understand that it's meant to be encouraging, but in this day and age, with all the verbal bullying we face, we have to change that adage so that it's true to these times. How about, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, and words will hurt me." Every person at your dinner table and schoolyard is affected by words because good, bad, and indifferent words have power.
What is verbal abuse?
A. Verbal abuse (also called reviling or verbal attack) is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language or body language. It is a form of profanity or expression that can occur with or without the use of expletives. While oral communication is its most common form, verbal abuse may be expressed in the form of written words and body language as well. Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with a person's healthy emotional development.
B. A single exposure to verbal assault can be enough to significantly affect a person's self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state.
C. Typically, verbal abuse increases in intensity over time and often escalates into physical abuse, suicide, or homicide. America prides itself on "freedom of speech," but even that can be taken out of context because oftentimes the verbal abuser(s) don't know the severity of their words and the impact they have on a person's mental and emotional well-being. "Think before you speak" is the prevention method.
Who can be victims of verbal abuse?
A. Verbal abuse or verbal bullying doesn't have a profile; it can happen to anyone, and it appears through body language. Verbal abuse or verbal bullying can be hard for teachers and other authority figures to detect in a person if no physical harm takes place.
How does one deal with verbal abuse or bullying?
A. Sometimes people will suggest ignoring, telling an authority figure, or being passive (it only happened once, so no worries). All are suggestions that could lead to the escalation of verbal abuse and are easier said than done because the victim who's going through verbal abuse or verbal bullying feels embarrassed or ashamed. Victims of verbal abuse or verbal bullying experience consistent thoughts of hurtful words, and it makes them feel emotional distress, depression, and/or oppression.
What should we tell our children about verbal abuse?
A. Start by telling children, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, and words will hurt you." The verbal abuser uses hurtful words to make a victim out of someone innocent and to keep the victim. Manipulation, isolation, and intimidation are warning signs of an abusive personality that we must pay full attention to.
B. The verbal communication of the abuser can start nice but then quickly escalate into verbal assaults. They also do it to cover up their malfunctions. Why do victims in verbally abusive relationships stay? They could be chasing that first high when their abuser used kind words and kind expressions.
What is the cure for verbal abuse or verbal bullying?
A. Understand Your Amygdala: The Amygdala is a portion of the brain that spots danger and helps you depict the seriousness of the danger. When it spots an incoming perception that meets its criteria for danger, it can send a message that provokes an immediate fight-or-flight reaction, and it can do that without first going through the reasoning part of your brain.
B. Is This My Reality? For the victim, the reasoning portion of the brain should prompt you to know that you are being verbally abused. Example: Think of all the mainstream reality TV shows' constant attacks of verbal abuse or verbal bullying and how words have a damaging effect on our amygdala, which we see live in front of the world.
C. Effective communication will save you. Communication is an essential skill for successful business and personal relationships. "Man is not an island"—communication has the power to destroy or build relationships. Ideally, communication should be actively developed from an early age, which sets up a child to have open and honest communication, letting one know words hurt and one verbal attack is one too many.
D. Confronting the words is among the best anger management techniques you can use to keep yourself from erupting into anger. It's a fact that 85% of your success in all areas of your life will be determined by your ability to communicate effectively with others. You will become more successful in every area of your life when you learn to communicate with power.
If you or someone you know is experiencing verbal abuse or verbal bullying and you want to learn effective communication as a healing tool, then reach out in secret to
QueenAfi,
Mental Health Consultant and Founder of Domestic Violence Wears Many Tags Organization.
DVWMTS@gmail.com or FaceBook@QueenAfi or Twitter@ViolWearManyTag
